Translating jesus [My De-Conversion]

Standard

One day for some unknown reason I just started to TRANSLATE what was being said. The church leader needed to make up the numbers and was in full force selling jesus. As I listened it just  started to get more and more absurd. This is my “Translation” of a conversation made to a new ambitious young recruit that changed my life forever.

CHURCHMAN: Hi, I would like to tell you about jesus,

YOUNG RECRUIT: Uh, okay,

CM: Well, jesus is amazing, he is 2000 years old. jesus did all sorts of unbelievable feats and he’s going to return very soon on a white horse!

YR; Wow, thats incredible, he sounds like an amazing man.

CM; No, he’s not a man, he’s god. He is the one true god but he is also his son and so they created the trinity to make it all clear. We have god the father, the holy ghost and his son jesus who is himself but not himself but who is his dad but not at the level of god his dad who is the one true god who is not polytheistic but singular and all encompassing in all aspects who is the Jewish polytheistic god of war.

YR; Wow, yes, that really makes sense,

CM; Certainly it does, and in order to save mankind he created his mother Mary and then impregnated her without sex and gave birth to himself!

YR; Mind blowing stuff!

CM; And guess what,

YR; What?

CM; It wan’t incest. No siree, It was simply miraculous, thats all, a miracle of jesus and his dad god who isn’t the holy spirit but employed the seed of the holy spirit for his son who planned it but who wasn’t born at the time.

YR;  That”s truly miraculous!

CM; Yes, you’ve got to hand it to jesus brother!

YR; Amen, there! So jesus really cares for us?

CM; Oh, yes, jesus is so loving and he really wanted to help the people and to show that love so he made a big fire that’s eternal. And in order to love his neighbour as himself and turn the other cheek he’s going to throw all those that won’t listen to him in it to burn forever!

YR; Wow, he must be a really loving guy,

CM; Remember, he’s the alpha and omega, he is all that is, that was, that could be, but not all that won’t be, or isn’t or might be or might not be. He is the word, the logos, the omega the beginning, the end and some parts in the middle too.

YR; Yeah, jesus sounds really cool,

CM; jesus is super cool, but, jesus doesn’t approve of sex though. He was a virgin all his life.

YR; But wasn’t he lonely?

CM; Never! He had an underage boyfriend his beloved disciple called john. But guess what,

YR: What?

CM; He wasn’t gay or a phaedophile!

YR; Wow. This jesus must be extraordinary.

CM: Yeah, nothing is impossible to jesus.

YR; Tell me more

CM:  jesus died to save the mankind and overcome the world that he didn’t need to overcome as he is not in the world and was non existent at the time of his dad’s creation, although he created it himself.

YR; Awesome! This is all so mysterious.

CM; Praise the lord yes. Even god is sometimes mystified by his moves from his mysterious ways.

YR; Tell me more about jesus.

CM; Well, his trusted friend judas sold him out. But, judas paid the price in the end by hanging himself as he didn’t because he fell over a cliff.

YR; How do you know this?

CM; God left us a book called the bible, It is the inerrant word and every word is  the perfect word of  god. Not a single word can be changed. We use the King James version as it is the best translation from Hebrew into Aramaic into greek into French into English.

YR; Yeah, the evidence is all there I suppose?

CM; Oh, definitely. Anyway, to cut a long story short, jesus then came back from the dead. And had saved the world. And now the only way back to god his dad who is him but not him is through jesus.

YR. Wow, you have overwhelming evidence there I think.

CM; The evidence is all there in the bible providing you don’t read it.

YR; But why did jesus need to save mankind in the first place?

CM; Well, his dad created the world with a perfect plan that cannot be changed by giving man free will. Man then disobeyed god by using his free will that was written in the plan that god created so that man would disobey god and hence god could then destroy man and then redeem him. Actually it was women who made man fall by listening to a talking snake. So the blame is really on women.

YR; I see, yes that makes perfect sense, But I like women and I love my mum,

CM; Yeah, it’s just that in this religion we have nothing against women, but, it is just that we see them as secondary or even less and many of us are insecure misogynistic, bigoted, ignorant, male chauvinist pigs. But, remember that jesus loved women so much that he let them bend down on their knees and wash his feet.

YR; Praise to jesus, he is just so awesome! What happened next?

CM; god wiped out the human race in a flood that he copied and pasted from Gilgamesh. But that wasn’t enough so he later got King Herod to kill all the new born babies who couldn’t understand or fight back to have their throats cut and be murdered so that his son jesus could be born. Of course this was an act of love and not cowardice.

YR; Wow, this god truly is love,

CM; Yes, god is only love and jesus is so loving and that’s why jesus preached peace and came to bring sword and divide father from son and mother from daughter.

YR; And what happens to mankind when jesus comes out of the clouds on his white horse?

CM; Well,  jesus will take all those that love him back to his dad’s place called heaven, and then let everyone else on the planet die in a horrible, brutal, bloody, terrifying cesspit!

YR; Nobody is a loving as jesus!

DECONVERSION:

Well there it is. I just couldn’t help but TRANSLATE what was actually being said!. I thought to myself, why I am I thinking and hearing it all like this, this hasn’t happened before. In desperation I consulted the bible, but it got worse and worse and it all kept falling apart layer after layer. god was silent or out to lunch and jesus had just become a new testament contradictory joke!

Difficult as it was there was simply no going back.. But what bothered me the most was this. Do the people who sell this stuff and who have read and studied the bible, the birth narratives, the crucifixion accounts really believe this stuff? I mean, they have spent years analysing and justifying the contractions and nonsensical non-sense that is the bible. The trinity, the jesus accounts, the contradictions, the history. I mean jesus isn’t even mentioned in history,[ only twice by Josephesus]. Surely there would be volumes written about him!

Anyway, that’s my deconversion. Simple, just TRANSLATE what is actually being said and then read the bible et al and it will all dissolve. It is all a very childish, immature infantile and silly affair, that is a mockery unto itself.

 

Anne R Keye 2014

 

 

 

 

 

Advertisements

Christians are Backsliders!

Standard

Why are christians backsliding nowadays?

Why, oh dear christian readers don’t you have the strength and faith to follow your convictions? Why have you become so weak?

What are you so scared of?

I was reading a book that a dear old christian lady was studying as requested by her church.

I asked her where jesus was in this book? Where’s the teachings of jesus in here?

Oh, she replied, we don’t use him anymore for reference,

What, I exclaimed!

No, she said, we follow the writings of paul nowadays.

It was truly amazing to behold. That means that 3/4 of the bible is discarded. [That being the OT and God]. And now most of the NT [Thats his son isn’t it?] And now a few sorry chapters left.

What happens when pauls THORN IN HIS SIDE is questioned and opened up. Meaning Paul’s hommo-sexuality. Then I suppose like jesus’s beloved disciple [Greek, meaning young boy lover] paul will also be dropped out of sight.

Who will replace paul? Who dear christian?

Please have the courage of your convictions. Even if you realise that your religion doesn’t have legs to stand on. Please at least have the guts to stand by what you are supposed to believe. And as for the bible, there isn’t much left in there for you anymore I suppose is there?

So, dear friends it’s all or nothing here. Backslide anymore and you won’t have a religion to backslide from.

Do you now see, feel and realise that your world lays on fragile ground with infertile soil? If not then take your pedestal and stop backsliding.

 

I wish you all luck and love

Anne R Keye 2014

 

Why are christians so unhappy?

Standard

Christians love to display how happy they are in their religion. But, below the surface lies a very different picture bathed in worry, fear and rejection.

God won’t help or answer prayers. They feel so alone. When they walk out of the church and back into real life suddenly jesus is gone and so is the warming community that comforted them. Outside life is very different. Reality bites.

I know this through personal experience and going behind the closed door into the real world of unhappy believers. I was actually quite happy, but those around me kept their pain in silence. But when they felt trust out it would all come. Their uncertainties, their search for justification of theirs and others misfortunes. It was a world away from their smiling countenances displayed in public. It was amazing how much people questioned it all on a daily basis. How could this all be they would ask?

I kept silent. Schtm! What could I say, because I was in the same boat albeit a very happy and healthy boat.

I still meet a few of them and they are still repeating the same act. Smiling and pretending, But underneath lies a very fragile person

Love to you all. I hope you all come clean and improve your lives,

Anne R Keye 2014

 

 

 

CREDENCE TO CRETINS?…Give pity only

Standard

A vicar walks into the room. Rational people suddenly display very strange body language and mannerisms. “Oh your reverence”, “Oh reverent”, “O, servant of god”.

A yawning bloke in the corner of the room looks over at the vicar and  and says “Oi!, ‘Arry, you want a beer”?

The shocked gathering of people look at each other in bewilderment.

A very upright elderly lady informs the bloke “Excuse me but you can’t talk to him like that you know, he’s the Reverend”

But the bloke just laughs his ass off, [But, he also realises that he has to make an accurate correction here], “Nah, e’s “Arry” and points to the vicar  “Now, what you ‘avin A’rry, a pint of the best”?

Harold the vicar looks over at the bloke and displays a very depressed countenance.

“Please” says the elderly lady “You must show respect for the right honourable vicar”‘

The bloke says, “Nah, I ai’nt ‘avin that e’s A’rry and will always be A’rry. That’s just  silly clobber [outfit] and a silly belief ‘ee picked up form ‘is old boyfriend Reg”

The vicars head dropped like a sack of rotting potatoes and the old lady started having a funny turn.

Bloke, “Well that’s cleared that up then, Now for the last time, What you ‘avin ‘array”?

DON’T GIVE CREDENCE TO CRETINS. Give pity.

When someone says “Oh that’s so offensive”, or “It offends my religion”, or “You can’t say that, it is so offensive to my beliefs” or “you can’t say that against him because he is the church leader” etc.

These are people PRETENDING. They are pretending to know something that they don’t know and CANNOT know. These are people who talk to themselves and pretend that when they speak back to themselves that it is some how somebody else. This is called schizophrenia! The recipient is Psychopathic! A split personality. A dual process.

These people aren’t nuts, but very lost and infantile.  Don’t be nasty or hateful in any way to them because you will only upset them. They are delicate and their egos will deflate at a rate of knots. Show them love and understanding but never never never give credence to silliness, only pity.

Love to you all

Anne R Keye 2014

A man was talking to god…

Standard

Man, why don’t you answer me?

God, because I don’t exist

M, But you must exist

G, Why?

M, Because you have just said that you don’t exist

G, Did I?

M, I thought I heard you,

G, No you did’nt

M, Are you sure?

G, Mostly definitely sure

M, But, I love you and your son

G, Your Nuts!

M, Oh no, your right, I’ve just spent the last ten minutes talking to myself,

G, Yep, and you know what they say about that don’t you?

M, Ur, um, yeah it’s the first sign of madness!

G, Need I say more.

 

“Pretending to know something that you don’t know and cannot know”. PB.

Love to you all

Anna R Keye 2014

God says “I create EVIL!” What?

Standard

Well here it is dear reader and it is not pleasant reading I can tell you, but if you can walk the walk and have the courage of your convictions then read on,

God says in Isaiah 45:7

I form the light, and create darkness: I make peace, and create evil: I the Lord do all these things.
—Isaiah 45:7

Now let us read that again, “I make peace AND CREATE EVIL, I THE LORD do all these things” Hmm, so god or yaweh or whoever you wish to pass the buck on is the creator of evil.

Remember Isiah 45.7 dear christian reader because this will solve all of your problems about the unjustness of the world. Your silent partner is responsible for it all. But do the unfortunate people and situations they encounter deserve it. Do you deserve a terrible life and death. Do you deserve to be punished? Do you deserve to be stoned or burnt at the stake? [They burnt women and men at the stake you know].

Do you know this Christian Wives and Husbands:

” A marriage shall be considered valid only if the wife is virgin. If the wife is not a virgin, she shall be executed” (Deuteronomy 22:13-21)

(Deuteronomy 22:13-21) Yep, you must take your beloved wife out to the elders and have her stoned to death! I don’t know about you but I find this appalling [please excuse the pun]

Many have been taught that jesus makes all of this irrelevant. But, No he certainly does NOT! Thats why I encourage you to read your bible from beginning to end as yahweh wishes you to do. You will not know the story and it’s principles otherwise will you. jesus can’t help you on this one and neither can I. Only you can help yourself on this dear reader.You make the choice dear friend as it firmly rests in your hands and your hands only. Nobody else can think for you on this. And your actions will determine this truth.

Remember, the church goes through jesus to get to GOD! And when you get to God he will act accordingly to his laws, justified or not! So those that try to backslide from a justified stoning by joining a church via jesus will still have to meet up with GOD and he will NOT forgive.You see there is no getting out of it. 

You through jesus to get to GOD. But, it is still GODS law and not jesus’s. jesus would only get you to God who in turn will punish you severely and brutally for your breaking of his law and code.

I hope this helps you to get a better perspective on the madness that is the christian religion. THERE IS NOT ANY SALVATION FOR ANYONE once they get past jesus because GOD has stated what he wants and it is a complete contradiction and hence nobody can live up to it or by it! Not even him.

I wish you all the best and love always.

Anne R Keye 2014

 

Hell for christians!

Standard

There is a big problem here.

First of all. EVERY religion is going to hell according to every other religion and denomination.

Yep. When your church says that only you are going to be saved remember the church up the road will say that yours is damned to hell and only their church is going to be saved and on and on.

Okay, you say your god is the key to salvation but to a Muslim he is not! And, dear reader you and all your family and children are going to burn in hell in that instant. Not my thoughts, but you can see how this quickly rebounds.

It works out like this, DO UNTO OTHERS AS YOU WOULD HAVE THEM DO UNTO YOU!

If you wish hell on your neighbour then they will wish hell on you. Read and comprehend these words because they will unravel the whole affair rather easily.

If there was a hell then we would all be going. I mean all of us! According to each denomination only they are being saved! Do the 7th day adventists really believe that the RC Church [ who incidentally invented the religion and compiled the bible] are a better church than they? Does a protestant believe that a Buddhist will be saved? Does a Muslim believe that an anti Islamist christian will be saved? Does a Muslim  believe that you dear reader will be saved by placing your trust in jesus [which would be blasphemy might I add] and not Allah and Mohammed?

So, I say truthfully, who are you to be saved in this crazy maze? Who are you dear reader? Another statistic in the pencil box. And you answer, “But hey it’s different for me because I really do have the one true church and the one and only true god, It is those others up the road who are wrong.” Well my friend that is called ignorance and delusion. It makes you just like the rest. You are then a product a complete mirror of what you see and say and are told. Yep, absolutely, completely no different. Yes, I know it’s a difficult burden to bear, but such is reality. We all have to grow up at some point and put such childish opinions and infantile beliefs aside.

 

I wish you well my dear christian friends and readers. Because you will need it in this circling loop of immature folly.

Love to you all

Anna R Keye 2014