Where’s the Product?

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THE ROAD TO DE-CONVERSION

I was staying in England promoting my business which involved the setting up of product seminars.  At the end of each seminar there would be a “Testimonials” slot for the for the final sell or the big push. This was my business in an entrepreneurs market.

Although I was very busy I needed to keep my christian faith ticking over so I joined the christian Alpha course in a local church.

THE ALPHA COURSE

On the first night of the Alpha course it was jam packed with attendees. The Alpha course promised to answer “Tough Questions” regarding God and Christianity.

We were put into groups to ask questions and discuss Jesus, God and faith in christianity. The problem was that the lady and young boy leading our group were not theologically educated.

To combat this I said that I would make a commitment to study my [largely unread] King James bible in my spare time and add something beneficial to the group and perhaps convince non believers rejoice and bathe in the glorious word of God.

THE BIBLE

When one hasn’t read the bible properly for many years [chapter by chapter] one forgets what a piece of badly written, incoherent and illogical nonsense it is.

I was a hard core believer and felt that nothing could shake the solid foundations of my faith. But, as I read the bible I was actually stunned.

Firstly by Abraham. Was he incestuous? Was he a murderer in waiting? Was Cain and Able a dreadful and deliberate racist ploy [The mark of Cain. He beat Cain’s face with hail, his face blackening like coal?]

The one story that appalled me to the point of repulsion and made me question christian morality was the story of Lot and his daughters. I realised at that moment that it was me who needed theological help and not the non believers.

THEOLOGIANS ARISE [If you’ve got the balls!]

I asked with sincerity the “Tough questions” because I needed reassurance. But I quickly learnt that as usual a theologian does not like being made to feel and look uncomfortable in front of his flock. And worse, a theologian does not like to sound and look like they lack knowledge in front of anyone. But I had to ask “Tough question” as advertised. Isn’t  this what my Lord God was ordering me to do?

I HAD TO ASK

“If it was Gods will and he commanded you [Mr Thoelogian] would you let your daughters be raped? Would you impregnate your own child? Would you let hundreds of men rape and abuse you daughters?” I asked with sincerity.

“What does the story of Lot mean/represent, Isn’t this story immoral and downright evil. What is this doing in the bible. What are we supposed to make of this?”

The answer was always whispered with the same lame murmur, “Oh  don’t worry about it. it is just OT. We follow Jesus and Paul now”. But I argued “Isn’t this the inerrant word of our Lord God, isn’t this His word?” Ironically it fell on deaf ears.

I wasn’t being awkward but I needed answers. The theologian for all his talk and policy regarding tough questions was just plain sissy and made to look very foolish by his own inability to make sense of it all even to himself. This was not helpful to believers and non believers alike.

This turning away from answering key christian questions was a big problem because it showed their discomfort and fear of confrontation.

The bible stories were/are bad and they could not be transformed into a happy loving fairytale by a loving God via apologetics. One gentleman [a far to clever Atheist] was asked in no uncertain terms to leave the Alpha course. He was I believe emailed not to come back [He may well have de-covereted his group].

WHY COULD’NT THE ALPHA COURSE ANSWER MY QUESTIONS?

It’s easy to see now because the answers were unanswerable.

Rape and incest is rape and incest. Racism is racism and murder is murder. To say that we are not to question God on his word is just weak and sly. The acts portrayed in these bible stories were/are immoral and wicked. Tough questions my ass!

HALF WAY THROUGH THE ALPHA COURSE

By now 50% of the attendees had left. Ironically a lot of this was due to the singing. The same monotonous song was sung with the chorus on loop.”I really really love you cause you’re my God, yes, I really really love you, etc etc etc”.

It was the first time that I had ever been in a church where half the attendees were very self conscious whilst looking at the floor closed mouth twiddling their thumbs to the joyous tones of God!

THE FIRST CRACK: I could’nt believe it, But I am a believer!

The night came when the talk about evidence was given. As usual the speaker spoke in soft tones. When he had finally finished I waited in eager anticipation to hear the exciting evidence. But no, he had just given the evidence.

WHAT! He only mentioned a bit about Josephus after he had rambled on and on about CS Lewis. I was shocked!

That evening I made my way to a 24/7 internet cafe and surfed high and lo for evidence. I did this over the next week for two hours per night.

ENTER THE INTERNET

I found that the gospels were written 30 to 100 plus years after the supposed death of Jesus. The authors names were not that of real people or the actual writers of the gospels. The misogynistic council of Nicea reared it’s ugly head along with the books and other gospels that didn’t make it into the bible like the Gospel of Thomas [with a very different Jesus than the one promoted in churches]. Gnosticism and the early christians were very different compared to the new christianity glued together by a group of power hungry men in their the official canon.

The birth narratives conflicted and lacked all credibility, Egypt, Bethlehem? What! This is incomprehensible, which author is telling the truth? Neither? What a mess.

The bible contradicted itself over and over, and just got plain silly e,g Isaiah 45.7 ” I form the light, and create darkness: I make peace, and create evil: I the Lord do all these things“. So God now creates evil? The list just went on and on.

All of this I could handle because I still had faith, but the one thing I could not handle was this:

There was evidence galore “against” the existence of Jesus but very little “for” the existence of Jesus.

He was God’s son after all so surely there must be volumes of historical evidence? It was heartbreaking to bear witness to scraps and non evidential titbits of impotent apologetics. Historically it was bordering on embarrassing. Even Nazereth didn’t exist!

THE LAST SUPPER AT THE ALPHA COURSE

To end the Alpha course there was a big supper where food and wine was served. This was to get the new recruits buttered up for the next Alpha course.

I hadn’t realised it but his was really the final nail in the coffin for me.

I was shocked because for all to see was the sales persons super tool the “Testimonial”. I could’nt believe it. Whoever constructed the Alpha course must have employed or be an entrepreneur. This was business not spirit and I knew this business model like the back of my hand and how it works. It is a good model. But in this case it was just damn manipulative,

A hapless individual is taken upon the stage.

Speaker. “So tell me Fred how did the Holy Spirit come to you”,

Hapless individual. “Well I was putting my washing out and all of a sudden I felt a strange but amazing feeling and I felt very happy, clean and new”.

Speaker. “Wow, that must have been an amazing day, will you always remember that day?”

Hapless individual. “Well, I can’t forget it because it was my birthday and my wife had bought me a new car and she had let me ravish her body all morning. I don’t know what it was about that day but I just felt really good and very happy, I am sure it was the Holy Ghost”. 

MY EPIPHANY AT THE ALPHA COURSE

It just hit me there and then like a blinding light from Damascus. This is a business. A business unlike any other. THIS IS A BUSINESS WITHOUT A PRODUCT.

CHRISTIAN BUSINESS MODEL = A man stands on a platform and reads out a fairytale. A group of people in a large room speak to thin air. The people put some money on a plate needlessly. The people go home. 

There isn’t a product. Payement for what? Where’s the product?

The church is a company that can’t pay out, isn’t paying out and will never pay out because it doesn’t have a product to profit from or for it to pay out on. The customer puts way too much trust and finance into this company. It’s not the customer  writing the ” iou’s”, It’s the company. This company exists by iou’s and nothing else. 

HOLD ON: What about the promise?

Well, Jesus has been in the post for the last two thousand years. He’s not coming back because he never arrived in the first place, so he can’t come back even if Me, Tom, Dick, Harry, Martha and Mable wanted him to because he doesn’t have a tangible existence to exist by.

WHAT ABOUT FAITH?

You just can’t give what you don’t have. You can’t promise what you don’t and cannot possess. Faith without works [ Works being tangible] is what? answer = Dead.

You can’t promise or profit from that which you have not seen, touched, smelt or tasted and hence is not in actual existence. Anything believed in or promised outside of this is fantasy or delusion.

Dead = Not in existence or existing in a form without life and of NO USE TO ANYTHING OR ANYBODY!

Even those with faith look to tangibles like crucifixes and miracles or the financing of historical excavations. Many still seek the Ark [Even God was sort of tangible in the Ark] and other holy relics.

The churches swallow “Mammon” in large doses. The customer awaits in silent expectation. The product is never delivered. It can’t be delivered because there isn’t one.

HELLO TO MYSELF!

Leaving the Alpha course I felt tears on my face. Theses were not tears of pain but tears of joy.

I wasn’t happy about losing my faith, that was hard, but I was very happy because I had met myself for the first time in my life and I really liked the guy I had met. Yes, I can be a bit of a hothead and a bit hard headed at times, but, I realised that I am a pretty good guy and that I will not concede where truth is concerned.

AS TIME GOES BY

As time went on from the Alpha course I went from Agnostic to Buddhist to Spiritual and finally after reading much about Science [that actually has evidence] I became A.T.H.E.I.S.T.

I don’t like the word atheist because really we are all atheists. I don’t think that the 7th day Adventists worship the same god as the Catholics. Or the Catholics the same god as the Hare Krishna’s. People are only pretending. Some pretend harder than others. Thats all it was and all it ever was.

INTERNET

I have confidence that the internet [sort of tangible?] will do the rest of the work for humanity. Information is available and free of charge and easy to access for anybody anywhere. You can’t sell people what you don’t have and what doesn’t exist forever. People can now research this business without a product online and make their own conclusions. As for me… well, I’m outta here!

Bob Keye 2015

The 8th Day Ventriloquists

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Hello dear Atheists and Agnostics. I am not here to proselytise but to introduce you to the new christian denomination called the “8th day Ventriloquists”

What is an 8th day Ventriloquist.

An 8th day ventriloquist believes that somehow jesus is gods son who isn’t god but who is him by not being him. We acknowledge this by inserting our arm into the rectum of a dummy and sliding it onto our left hand. We then talk to our personal dummy jesus who is our best friend and advisor by controlling the mouthpiece. For example, “Hello jesus, what day is it?” and The dummy jesus replies “Well, it is tuesday” and the 8th day believer replies to the dummy jesus “Wow, how could you know that, you are so wise dummy jesus”, and the dummy jesus replies “Because it is you doing the talking and not me because I am a dummy on your arm”.

The Ambitious 8th day Ventriloquist

For this you will need to purchase the dummy god [$5 at amazon now, get cheap deals, early bird! ]. The 8th day member will again need to insert his arm up the rectum of the dummy but this time on the right arm. The 8th day ventriloquist will now become the trinity because he now has the dummy jesus on the left and the dummy god on the right with himself in the centre as the holey ghost. [ He will also need to apply white face make up and a white sheet for realistic effect].

Controlling the dummy god the dummy jesus and embodying the holely spirit.

For this one needs to be very experienced because it can all get out of hand very quickly. The main problem being that the holey spirit will find holes all over the place especially in the bible. To counter this he must speak to the dummy god in holey tones whilst at the same time controlling his pesky dummy son jesus. For example. “Hello is god there?”, “Yes it is me speaking through your hand up my rectum”. The 8th day believer replies, “It was so good of you to let your son die for everyone”, But, all of a sudden the dummy jesus replies, “No it wan’t dad it was bloody painful!” The dummy god interjects “Oh no son it was for your own good and that of everyone else”,The dummy jesus suddenly goes mental,”Oi dad you get up there on that cross and have a spear stuck in your side!” Now as you can see it is all getting very heated and out of control. At this point the 8th day ventriloquist must take charge as it is turning into a three dimensional madhouse. The 8th day ventriloquist then senses trouble and takes the appropriate action “Okay dummy god and dummy jesus you must both go back into the draw now and you can come out again tomorrow”.

We are a peaceful religion and as such we have been commanded by the dummy jesus and the dummy god to re-new the lords prayer to bring world peace. It is as follows and you may wish to recite it with  your family before dinner or at a social gathering or at your local church. It goes as follows,

Yesterday, upon the stair,
I met a man who wasn’t there.
He wasn’t there again today,
I wish, I wish he’d go away…

When I came home last night at three,
The man was waiting there for me
But when I looked around the hall,
I couldn’t see him there at all!
Go away, go away, don’t you come back any more!
Go away, go away, and please don’t slam the door…

Last night I saw upon the stair,
A little man who wasn’t there,
He wasn’t there again today
Oh, how I wish he’d go away…

So forget the 7th day adventists, the 6th day mormons and the 5 a day catholics and join the the 8th day ventriloquists, you know it makes sense!

Membership is free although we are accepting donations and tithes of 1 million dollars onwards!

Translating jesus [My De-Conversion]

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One day for some unknown reason I just started to TRANSLATE what was being said. The church leader needed to make up the numbers and was in full force selling jesus. As I listened it just  started to get more and more absurd. This is my “Translation” of a conversation made to a new ambitious young recruit that changed my life forever.

CHURCHMAN: Hi, I would like to tell you about jesus,

YOUNG RECRUIT: Uh, okay,

CM: Well, jesus is amazing, he is 2000 years old. jesus did all sorts of unbelievable feats and he’s going to return very soon on a white horse!

YR; Wow, thats incredible, he sounds like an amazing man.

CM; No, he’s not a man, he’s god. He is the one true god but he is also his son and so they created the trinity to make it all clear. We have god the father, the holy ghost and his son jesus who is himself but not himself but who is his dad but not at the level of god his dad who is the one true god who is not polytheistic but singular and all encompassing in all aspects who is the Jewish polytheistic god of war.

YR; Wow, yes, that really makes sense,

CM; Certainly it does, and in order to save mankind he created his mother Mary and then impregnated her without sex and gave birth to himself!

YR; Mind blowing stuff!

CM; And guess what,

YR; What?

CM; It wan’t incest. No siree, It was simply miraculous, thats all, a miracle of jesus and his dad god who isn’t the holy spirit but employed the seed of the holy spirit for his son who planned it but who wasn’t born at the time.

YR;  That”s truly miraculous!

CM; Yes, you’ve got to hand it to jesus brother!

YR; Amen, there! So jesus really cares for us?

CM; Oh, yes, jesus is so loving and he really wanted to help the people and to show that love so he made a big fire that’s eternal. And in order to love his neighbour as himself and turn the other cheek he’s going to throw all those that won’t listen to him in it to burn forever!

YR; Wow, he must be a really loving guy,

CM; Remember, he’s the alpha and omega, he is all that is, that was, that could be, but not all that won’t be, or isn’t or might be or might not be. He is the word, the logos, the omega the beginning, the end and some parts in the middle too.

YR; Yeah, jesus sounds really cool,

CM; jesus is super cool, but, jesus doesn’t approve of sex though. He was a virgin all his life.

YR; But wasn’t he lonely?

CM; Never! He had an underage boyfriend his beloved disciple called john. But guess what,

YR: What?

CM; He wasn’t gay or a phaedophile!

YR; Wow. This jesus must be extraordinary.

CM: Yeah, nothing is impossible to jesus.

YR; Tell me more

CM:  jesus died to save the mankind and overcome the world that he didn’t need to overcome as he is not in the world and was non existent at the time of his dad’s creation, although he created it himself.

YR; Awesome! This is all so mysterious.

CM; Praise the lord yes. Even god is sometimes mystified by his moves from his mysterious ways.

YR; Tell me more about jesus.

CM; Well, his trusted friend judas sold him out. But, judas paid the price in the end by hanging himself as he didn’t because he fell over a cliff.

YR; How do you know this?

CM; God left us a book called the bible, It is the inerrant word and every word is  the perfect word of  god. Not a single word can be changed. We use the King James version as it is the best translation from Hebrew into Aramaic into greek into French into English.

YR; Yeah, the evidence is all there I suppose?

CM; Oh, definitely. Anyway, to cut a long story short, jesus then came back from the dead. And had saved the world. And now the only way back to god his dad who is him but not him is through jesus.

YR. Wow, you have overwhelming evidence there I think.

CM; The evidence is all there in the bible providing you don’t read it.

YR; But why did jesus need to save mankind in the first place?

CM; Well, his dad created the world with a perfect plan that cannot be changed by giving man free will. Man then disobeyed god by using his free will that was written in the plan that god created so that man would disobey god and hence god could then destroy man and then redeem him. Actually it was women who made man fall by listening to a talking snake. So the blame is really on women.

YR; I see, yes that makes perfect sense, But I like women and I love my mum,

CM; Yeah, it’s just that in this religion we have nothing against women, but, it is just that we see them as secondary or even less and many of us are insecure misogynistic, bigoted, ignorant, male chauvinist pigs. But, remember that jesus loved women so much that he let them bend down on their knees and wash his feet.

YR; Praise to jesus, he is just so awesome! What happened next?

CM; god wiped out the human race in a flood that he copied and pasted from Gilgamesh. But that wasn’t enough so he later got King Herod to kill all the new born babies who couldn’t understand or fight back to have their throats cut and be murdered so that his son jesus could be born. Of course this was an act of love and not cowardice.

YR; Wow, this god truly is love,

CM; Yes, god is only love and jesus is so loving and that’s why jesus preached peace and came to bring sword and divide father from son and mother from daughter.

YR; And what happens to mankind when jesus comes out of the clouds on his white horse?

CM; Well,  jesus will take all those that love him back to his dad’s place called heaven, and then let everyone else on the planet die in a horrible, brutal, bloody, terrifying cesspit!

YR; Nobody is a loving as jesus!

DECONVERSION:

Well there it is. I just couldn’t help but TRANSLATE what was actually being said!. I thought to myself, why I am I thinking and hearing it all like this, this hasn’t happened before. In desperation I consulted the bible, but it got worse and worse and it all kept falling apart layer after layer. god was silent or out to lunch and jesus had just become a new testament contradictory joke!

Difficult as it was there was simply no going back.. But what bothered me the most was this. Do the people who sell this stuff and who have read and studied the bible, the birth narratives, the crucifixion accounts really believe this stuff? I mean, they have spent years analysing and justifying the contractions and nonsensical non-sense that is the bible. The trinity, the jesus accounts, the contradictions, the history. I mean jesus isn’t even mentioned in history,[ only twice by Josephesus]. Surely there would be volumes written about him!

Anyway, that’s my deconversion. Simple, just TRANSLATE what is actually being said and then read the bible et al and it will all dissolve. It is all a very childish, immature infantile and silly affair, that is a mockery unto itself.

 

Anne R Keye 2014

 

 

 

 

 

INSPIRING WORDS FROM MR DAWKINS!

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Wow! I think that I will paint my masterpiece now!

Love to you al

Anne E Keye 2014

jesus is a human construct

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Whoever told you that jesus was the prince of peace was out to lunch, So think again, or better still read.

Let us look at this insane human construct in action,

Suppose ye that I am come to give peace on earth? I tell you, Nay; but rather division: For from henceforth there shall be five in one house divided, three against two, and two against three. The father shall be divided against the son, and the son against the father; the mother against the daughter, and the daughter against the mother; the mother in law against her daughter in law, and the daughter in law against her mother in law.

-Luke 12:51-53

also [“Sword and struggle”]

That means to DIVIDE people, and that’s people that I am sure you love and care for dearly, like your mother and father and your children.

Okay, I will deliver you one more for emphasis,

LUKE 21.47

“The servant who knows the master’s will and does not get ready or does not do what the master wants will be beaten with many blows”.

Once again It’s the usual suspects dear christian friend. Read your bible from beginning to end. Because it is always as I inform you. You are affected by this and it is you who will have to reason and justify what you cannot ever reason and justify.

Morality in this instance has been abolished by the sneaky construct. And hence credence given to this by any sane moral individual reveals an unstable mindset. You will be less than human and an immoral deviant should you remain in ignorance. In this case it is not bliss at all, but damaging and self revealing. Morality is the watchword here my dear friends,

Ignorance or morality? The choice is in your hands, hearts and minds.

Love to you all

Anne R Keye 2014

 

Christians are Backsliders!

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Why are christians backsliding nowadays?

Why, oh dear christian readers don’t you have the strength and faith to follow your convictions? Why have you become so weak?

What are you so scared of?

I was reading a book that a dear old christian lady was studying as requested by her church.

I asked her where jesus was in this book? Where’s the teachings of jesus in here?

Oh, she replied, we don’t use him anymore for reference,

What, I exclaimed!

No, she said, we follow the writings of paul nowadays.

It was truly amazing to behold. That means that 3/4 of the bible is discarded. [That being the OT and God]. And now most of the NT [Thats his son isn’t it?] And now a few sorry chapters left.

What happens when pauls THORN IN HIS SIDE is questioned and opened up. Meaning Paul’s hommo-sexuality. Then I suppose like jesus’s beloved disciple [Greek, meaning young boy lover] paul will also be dropped out of sight.

Who will replace paul? Who dear christian?

Please have the courage of your convictions. Even if you realise that your religion doesn’t have legs to stand on. Please at least have the guts to stand by what you are supposed to believe. And as for the bible, there isn’t much left in there for you anymore I suppose is there?

So, dear friends it’s all or nothing here. Backslide anymore and you won’t have a religion to backslide from.

Do you now see, feel and realise that your world lays on fragile ground with infertile soil? If not then take your pedestal and stop backsliding.

 

I wish you all luck and love

Anne R Keye 2014

 

Heaven is Hell!

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The other day I came to a funny realisation whilst talking to a recently de converted christian lady. We were laughing at the concept of hell that seems to scare so many believers. I said that it was never hell that scared or bothered me but the idea that I might have to be with my relatives forever. Now, that would mean their relatives and so on and that would be some big family to squabble with I can tell you! Well, I said that would be terrible and really depressing. Every day would be the same day with the same people. A sort of “Stepford wives” gone awol. Everyday with the same people forever! No escape! You can’t get out. The rape victim plays with the rapist, the murdered hangs out with the murderer and the paedophile plays with children. Well, they all found jesus didn’t they and he let them in. Oh dear no thank you.

All those relatives that we secretly dislike and who dislike us secretly in turn. All those that caused us pain and suffering. Pretending forever to be nice to a load of people we have nothing in common with. No common ground, nothing! Let the back stabbing and idle gossip begin.

We would also have the sly gestapo creeps, “Oh, jesus it’s me, you know the one who loves you so very much more than everybody else up here” creep, creep, ” As jesus replies, “Hey, pick up the soap son”! “Uh uh uh, ow what ya doin’ ta me jesus?” How many cunning cloak and dagger obsessives will be trying to worm their way around jesus?  And jesus will be with the beloved disciple a bit like Michael Jackson with that little Jodie boy sitting at the front of the worship stage pretending to act normal. And we will have to go to this stage everyday and worship him, fawn over him and behave like stunted immature babes forever! It reminds me and makes me feel and think of Nazism when I contemplate the absurdity of heaven. People selling out their own families to further their own end. But of course there isn’t an end to further because it is all eternity anyway.

The idea of heaven is revolting along with most of the people in it especially paedophile church leaders and members.

Hell is ideal because many of us get cremated anyway. Fire produces warmth and light and we can cook nice food and produce boiling water for a fine cup of coffee. Heaven is white but cold and sterile. It is not pure radiance but snow fallen and freezing. A bit like the North pole but it goes on forever and there isn’t a boat to bail anybody out. If you are planning on going there please remember to take a very warm coat, some leggings and a wooly hat because temperatures can get beyond freezing!

I said to her that I think that believers don’t really think of the consequences and misery that heaven would bring to their existence [or non existence]. Yes, she laughed and then we parted ways.

Anne  Keye