TRANSLATING JESUS PART 2 and 3

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TRANSLATING JESUS PART 2 The Cruci- “Fiction”

Preacher: Hi, I need to talk some more about God and Jesus,

Me: Okay.

P; Well God being divine and perfect as only he is got his whole creation process wrong. He in his wisdom kept making things worse and worse. After courageously killing innocent men women and children by drowning them in a horrifying flood of love God realised that he had a serious anger problem. Although humiliated by this, he was lucky enough to have saved a 950 year old guy called Noah and two of every animal and apparently some T Rex’s in a big wooden boat full of every germ known to mankind and huge containers full of large lumps of excrement. By this loving act life could still exist and God’s mistakes would be hidden. well, for a while.

Me; Wow, he sounds like a really courageous God. His cowardly act sounds like the epitome of supreme morality!

P; Yeah, God is good! Praise the lord! Anyway, God had gotten to the point where the wickedness of mankind created by him which mankind hadn’t really committed had become a burden to him again. But, because God was such a perfect deity in his failings he decided to have a son to do the dirty work for him. His son was to come and save mankind who didn’t need saving.

Me: Oh, wow! That was good of him.

P; Yeah, God because he has supernatural power and could do anything he wanted gave birth to his only begotten son because he couldn’t have more than one.

Me; Oh, Okay, that makes sense,

P; Of course it does. It is prophesised in the Old Testament : Isaiah 7:14 The “virgin” (almah) shall be with child and his name shall be Immanuel”. But for simplicity’s sake and because it doesn’t make any proper sense we just call him Jesus. He was born in the time of King Herod, although King Herod had died in 4BC before Jesus was born, King Herod sent soldiers out into Bethlehem to kill all the children 2-years-old and under in his attempt to kill Jesus. So all these innocent young babies and children had to die brutally by the sword so that Jesus could survive. How loving is that?

Me; Holy lord that is an act of pure devotion!

P; The story gets even more interesting because Jesus then impregnates his own mother called Mary in order to give birth to himself.

Me, Wow What an amazing Mofo!

P; Oh no please watch your language! It was the word that did the business because his mother was and remained a virgin even though she had given birth.

Me; But surely a human baby came out of the vagina?

P; Well yes and no, because Jesus is God who isn’t God who is the Holy Ghost by not being the Holy Ghost and hence makes it very easy for everyone to understand.

Me: But semen would be needed to  impregnate  his “Own” mother in order to produce himself as flesh,

P; Ah, but remember, Jesus is God who isn’t God. Jesus is “Immortal” and has been existing for ever and a day even when Jesus didn’t exist because God hadn’t created him yet.

Me: Yeah that’s easy to understand. It’s a good thing he’s not illegitimate or a bastard,

P; No Siree! Jesus Christ, the Son of God, He is the first-born of all “Creation”!

Me; Hmm, hold on, If Jesus is the “First-born” of all creation – then  doesn’t this document that Jesus was “Created”? Doesn’t this dispel the myth that God can NOT be created?

P; Ha ha, No of course not. just listen to me, and ignore you’re instincts and especially ignore those history and science books because they will make you think objectively and produce evidence!

Me; Uh, okay, that sounds like wise advice,

P; Jesus came to save mankind by being crucified in a bloody pornographic mess by wiping a clean slate for mans sins that man did NOT commit. This meant that through Jesus man could finally get back to God so that God would not get the humiliating slap for his incompetent failings and murderous deeds.

Me; Cool! Amen!

P; Jesus also invented a new loving device called Hell. Although he likes to pass the buck by implying that it was really Satan’s fault. God and Jesus being so all powerful are Omniescient, Omnipresent, and Omnipotent and have unbeatable power and that is why they could’nt defeat Satan by having people sent to the flames of hell where they would burn forever for God and Jesus’s own full proof plans going to pot.

Me: God and Jesus are sure a good loving and clever team!

P; God set a new plan in motion that couldn’t be changed. God made a plan for his gullible son to die brutally for mankind’s innocence.

Me; Yeah, I understand and is that why Jesus was begging for God to stop it all and sweating blood in the garden of Gethsemane. Was jesus praying to himself to stop what he had put in motion himself and he knew that he couldn’t stop. So his praying wouldn’t have worked because he would have known that he would pray to himself to stop what he knew he could’t stop because he had set it in motion by his own plan?

P; Yes, exactly, That’s the beauty of free will. When everything is pre determined our free will frees us to enjoy our destiny that is pre ordained. That is why God gave us our pre ordained free will that we can’t control in the first place in the Garden of Eden. It gives us control of our lives that we can’t control because God has already scripted it in a plan that can’ t be changed. A plan thats gone to pot!

Me: Yep, that makes perfect sense. I don’t know why everybody doesn’t follow this religion!

P; To complete the story, jesus being “Immortal” died for mankind’s sins that mankind hadn’t created.

Me: But isn’t there a problem here?

P; What problem?

ME; If Jesus is IMMORTAL and Jesus is God then he CAN’T DIE?

P; Hmm, therein lies the crux of the christian dilemma, Even at it’s root christianity fails, but we skip over that because most believers don’t question it. Anyway if they do we can just shun them!

Me: What a loving religion this is. But, I do have more questions, and I really do have to clarify some points with you.

P; Amen, go ahead brother, I am here to serve God!

TRANSLATING JESUS PART 3

A nasty ‘Orrible’ Atheist butts in and it all get’s a bit serious…..

Atheist:  Surely, Jesus could’t have died for anybody’s sins because if Jesus is IMMORTAL THEN JESUS CAN’T DIE AND CAN’T RISE AND CAN’T COME BACK TO LIFE!

P; Um, in theory yes,

A: Okay. But If we have to get to the God of the Old Testament [otherwise who is the God you are talking about?] through Jesus who can’t die so he can’t resurrect and can’t save himself yet alone us from what we haven’t done wrong in the first place because it was Gods incomprehensible plan. Hmmm, then what has jesus achieved?

P; Faith! Brother!

A; In what? Isn’t Jesus  just a “Middle Man” and a CREATION to get back to the God of the old testament who will do with us as he pleases anyway. Jesus serves absolutely NO PURPOSE. Isn’t Jesus a big a failure as his dad God?

P: Not if you have faith brother!

A: The only sins that Jesus could die for would be his own because it is his dad God’s planning  that caused all of the problems in the first place. Gods planning is the problem.

P; Hey, God is good remember?

A; I am saying that people are going through Jesus to get to his dad God who will treat them exactly the same as he would in the OT. That means that God can’t make judgements because God cannot trust himself . God can’t take responsibility for himself and God has to pass the blame for his own ignorance. God also contradicts himself in every account at every opportunity and at every juncture wether biblically or in someone’s imagination of who or what God is. God let his own family member take the pain for him. There are hundreds of denominations and each believes that they have the ONLY real God and Jesus.That means that everyone is going to hell including God and his son Jesus  because they are not  in all actuality DEFINED. Each definition of God is in accordance to the mind of the person and denomination making it.

P;  Our church and our God is the correct one. We know this because God has spoken to us and chosen us.

A; But isn’t your God and Saviour really your EGO.

P; I know the answer to save you, dear atheist!

A; What’s that?

P; Prayer, Pray to the Lord!

A;  Surely, If you turn to prayer then you are saying that you don’t have the faith that you wish to have or pretend to possess. Also, that would go against Gods plan that is already set in motion?

P: No,no, no God doesn’t work like that, he works in mysterious ways that we don’t know or understand.

A; You can only speak in your head TO YOURSELF there’s no one else there. It is simply wrestling with your own ego in your head. That’s why if you are honest God is always silent to you and everybody else waiting in desperation. 

P; Oh Lord forgive him, he doesn’t know what he is saying, He’s lost his mind!

A; It’s your defeated ego in your head pretending to forgive me. A deflated ego will sweat it out in uncertainty and confusion.

P; What! Oh no, you are one of those horrible atheists or worse, you’re not a a catholic are you? And hey, I’m doing the converting here, not you!

A: Ha, yeah that’s funny in itself isn’t it? Converting to what?

P; Well, I have news! The end of times is coming and you will see then, and the Lord will be very angry and show his love by destroying mankind!

A; That would make him  a baby throwing his toys out of the pram that he himself had created. That would make him a bad workman and hopeless creator. I hope He’s on his way then we can all go to hell together, me you and all the other Christian denominations who have obviously got it all wrong and then we can get on with our lives and live like responsible adults.

P; Uhh, What?

A; You bring the matches, I’ll bring the gasoline!

Anne Key

The People that time forgot

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The Land that time forgot?

I remember watching a film as a child called the land that time forgot. It was about a submarine crew in the war that ended up in a land of forgotten time with cavemen and dinosaurs.

BLAME THE INTERNET; Christians, you are NOT persecuted.

Well, here we are in the internet age. We are now in a world where the way that we communicate and do business makes us vastly different from that of our forefathers and even our current  generation of family.

It’s all change for everyone. But the biggest changes are in the way and with the ease that we can access information and the way that we do business.

“The way that we do business will change the way that the community interacts. Money will NOT change in the same hands anymore. Power will not be held in the community but in the global market place, because that’s where the money IS and where the new money changes hands with regularity”

What you think of me will matter little in a community where I do not need you for my very existence. You offer me nothing. I offer you nothing. I offer sincere friendship if it is on the table but if not not, well, then you are not in my world. The way that I create my money and my living is out there in the global market place and not in the tiny little town.

The old town christian/religious boss/bosses and work colleagues and work places that used to employ the whole neighbourhood will gradually erode. Shops that were once profitable are/will be shutting up. With the advent of the internet we don’t need store rent and we can advertise, niche, communicate, freely and easily in an open GLOBAL marketplace. Heck, we can even become good friends with our customers in countries and cultures we never even knew existed!

When Mohommed buys one of our widgets online it is exciting and we don’t think, hey shoud I sell to a muslim. We are grateful for the sale because we can feed our family and build our business and enhance our business reputation. When a Mr Dawkins from the UK orders 5 of our widgets online we are grateful. Or when a Mr Buddha who needs 10 widgets asap places his/her orders, it’s all good stuff.

People will work more independently because they will have to  in the coming decade/decades. People will learn and they will have to learn and develop their abilities to rely on themselves and not on an outside source, like the village boss or a god or whoever else used to pull the strings. You want to tithe 10% then tithe it into your customers for satisfaction by offering a loss leader or a great offer. Or give 10% to a charity that actually does some good.

The internet disentangles the detached groups and opens the eyes of even the most guarded of people to the reality of the way the world actually works. Nothing remains hidden. We all have world view and in the future everyone will need to participate with integrity, common courtesy and common sense in order to survive.

The ways that the coming generations will do business will even amaze us as technology becomes more and more advanced. People will not be able to survive by ignorance alone anymore. People will need knowledge and they will have to be self reliant. The old community rules and unspoken regulations will become extinct at a surprising rate when self preservation is at at hand. It’s always about the money, you can’t survive without it!

When people become self reliant they will find it very hard to believe that it is someone else/or something else that is doing the work and not them because by definition and action they are doing all of the tasks and at the same time using their own initiative. Independence will strike at the core of everyone everywhere. They won’t have a choice.

I buy products on the internet  because what I could once buy in the local shop I can’t even get in the city! I have made 3 purchases in the past week online because I can’t buy the things I want any other way, and, guess what it’s cheaper! I buy from all over the world in the blink of an eye and think nothing of it. And so does everyone, we have to if we wish to purchase many of our items.

I am not saying that all bricks and mortar businesses will become extinct. There will always be lots of them, but even they will have to watch their manners if they wish to survive. Turning away Gay people, or Muslims, or anybody else for that matter will affect them because they will be UNDERSTOOD as being ignorant and unfair. Also, the law will change where this ignorance becomes illegal. 

Even as I write this blog today holidaying in the UK, I am witnessing history being made. Gay marriage has just been accepted in Ireland and the church is very upset lol! Three churches have just have shut down in the  town I am holidaying in. One church I saw demolished by a big bulldozer [Oh, what a wonderful sight to behold!] and another is to be demolished and turned into holiday apartments. Actually another big church about a year ago here was turned into a supermarket, with it’s stain glass windows still attached. In the good ole’ USA the nones are waking up to reality, not just because of the church/religion being nonsensical but because they are very aware of the way that society is changing and their place and survival in it.

In life it is always about the money!

The religion that once held the community together is now becoming and will become the antithesis of the communities very existence!

SO WHAT HAPPEN TO THE PEOPLE THAT TIME FORGOT?

Grandson; Grandaddy who are those people carrying those banners on the sidewalk?

Grandaddy: Well, they are the people that time forgot.

Gs; Oh, I see, but, why are they so thin?

GD: That’s because they don’t eat

Gs; Why don’t they eat?

GD; That’s because they don’t have any money and they are unemployable.

Gs; But, I feel sorry for them

Gd; Read the placards grandson,

Gs; Wow! They sure do write some horrible stuff!

Gd; Well, You can’t pity them or help them because they do not know what they are saying or what they are doing. They are emotionally immature, frightened and do not possess an objective outlook. The are what is traditionally known as nuts!

Gs: I see Grandaddy, I’m glad they don’t live in our neighbour hood.

Gd; Ha ha, they would never set foot in our neighbourhood

Gs; Why’s that?

Gd; Because nobody upon nobody would have them, And they would feel even worse about themselves!

Gs; So you’re saying that they feel worthless about themselves, that’s crazy!  Why is that?

Gd; Because worthlessness was fed into them by nasty poisonous men who wanted to profit from them. Those men are now dead, But, they as a group were dependent on those men as much as those men were dependent upon them. There is nowhere for them to go either emotionally or intellectually.

Gs; What a mess Grandaddy, what a mess,

Bob Keye 2015

Where’s the Product?

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THE ROAD TO DE-CONVERSION

I was staying in England promoting my business which involved the setting up of product seminars.  At the end of each seminar there would be a “Testimonials” slot for the for the final sell or the big push. This was my business in an entrepreneurs market.

Although I was very busy I needed to keep my christian faith ticking over so I joined the christian Alpha course in a local church.

THE ALPHA COURSE

On the first night of the Alpha course it was jam packed with attendees. The Alpha course promised to answer “Tough Questions” regarding God and Christianity.

We were put into groups to ask questions and discuss Jesus, God and faith in christianity. The problem was that the lady and young boy leading our group were not theologically educated.

To combat this I said that I would make a commitment to study my [largely unread] King James bible in my spare time and add something beneficial to the group and perhaps convince non believers rejoice and bathe in the glorious word of God.

THE BIBLE

When one hasn’t read the bible properly for many years [chapter by chapter] one forgets what a piece of badly written, incoherent and illogical nonsense it is.

I was a hard core believer and felt that nothing could shake the solid foundations of my faith. But, as I read the bible I was actually stunned.

Firstly by Abraham. Was he incestuous? Was he a murderer in waiting? Was Cain and Able a dreadful and deliberate racist ploy [The mark of Cain. He beat Cain’s face with hail, his face blackening like coal?]

The one story that appalled me to the point of repulsion and made me question christian morality was the story of Lot and his daughters. I realised at that moment that it was me who needed theological help and not the non believers.

THEOLOGIANS ARISE [If you’ve got the balls!]

I asked with sincerity the “Tough questions” because I needed reassurance. But I quickly learnt that as usual a theologian does not like being made to feel and look uncomfortable in front of his flock. And worse, a theologian does not like to sound and look like they lack knowledge in front of anyone. But I had to ask “Tough question” as advertised. Isn’t  this what my Lord God was ordering me to do?

I HAD TO ASK

“If it was Gods will and he commanded you [Mr Thoelogian] would you let your daughters be raped? Would you impregnate your own child? Would you let hundreds of men rape and abuse you daughters?” I asked with sincerity.

“What does the story of Lot mean/represent, Isn’t this story immoral and downright evil. What is this doing in the bible. What are we supposed to make of this?”

The answer was always whispered with the same lame murmur, “Oh  don’t worry about it. it is just OT. We follow Jesus and Paul now”. But I argued “Isn’t this the inerrant word of our Lord God, isn’t this His word?” Ironically it fell on deaf ears.

I wasn’t being awkward but I needed answers. The theologian for all his talk and policy regarding tough questions was just plain sissy and made to look very foolish by his own inability to make sense of it all even to himself. This was not helpful to believers and non believers alike.

This turning away from answering key christian questions was a big problem because it showed their discomfort and fear of confrontation.

The bible stories were/are bad and they could not be transformed into a happy loving fairytale by a loving God via apologetics. One gentleman [a far to clever Atheist] was asked in no uncertain terms to leave the Alpha course. He was I believe emailed not to come back [He may well have de-covereted his group].

WHY COULD’NT THE ALPHA COURSE ANSWER MY QUESTIONS?

It’s easy to see now because the answers were unanswerable.

Rape and incest is rape and incest. Racism is racism and murder is murder. To say that we are not to question God on his word is just weak and sly. The acts portrayed in these bible stories were/are immoral and wicked. Tough questions my ass!

HALF WAY THROUGH THE ALPHA COURSE

By now 50% of the attendees had left. Ironically a lot of this was due to the singing. The same monotonous song was sung with the chorus on loop.”I really really love you cause you’re my God, yes, I really really love you, etc etc etc”.

It was the first time that I had ever been in a church where half the attendees were very self conscious whilst looking at the floor closed mouth twiddling their thumbs to the joyous tones of God!

THE FIRST CRACK: I could’nt believe it, But I am a believer!

The night came when the talk about evidence was given. As usual the speaker spoke in soft tones. When he had finally finished I waited in eager anticipation to hear the exciting evidence. But no, he had just given the evidence.

WHAT! He only mentioned a bit about Josephus after he had rambled on and on about CS Lewis. I was shocked!

That evening I made my way to a 24/7 internet cafe and surfed high and lo for evidence. I did this over the next week for two hours per night.

ENTER THE INTERNET

I found that the gospels were written 30 to 100 plus years after the supposed death of Jesus. The authors names were not that of real people or the actual writers of the gospels. The misogynistic council of Nicea reared it’s ugly head along with the books and other gospels that didn’t make it into the bible like the Gospel of Thomas [with a very different Jesus than the one promoted in churches]. Gnosticism and the early christians were very different compared to the new christianity glued together by a group of power hungry men in their the official canon.

The birth narratives conflicted and lacked all credibility, Egypt, Bethlehem? What! This is incomprehensible, which author is telling the truth? Neither? What a mess.

The bible contradicted itself over and over, and just got plain silly e,g Isaiah 45.7 ” I form the light, and create darkness: I make peace, and create evil: I the Lord do all these things“. So God now creates evil? The list just went on and on.

All of this I could handle because I still had faith, but the one thing I could not handle was this:

There was evidence galore “against” the existence of Jesus but very little “for” the existence of Jesus.

He was God’s son after all so surely there must be volumes of historical evidence? It was heartbreaking to bear witness to scraps and non evidential titbits of impotent apologetics. Historically it was bordering on embarrassing. Even Nazereth didn’t exist!

THE LAST SUPPER AT THE ALPHA COURSE

To end the Alpha course there was a big supper where food and wine was served. This was to get the new recruits buttered up for the next Alpha course.

I hadn’t realised it but his was really the final nail in the coffin for me.

I was shocked because for all to see was the sales persons super tool the “Testimonial”. I could’nt believe it. Whoever constructed the Alpha course must have employed or be an entrepreneur. This was business not spirit and I knew this business model like the back of my hand and how it works. It is a good model. But in this case it was just damn manipulative,

A hapless individual is taken upon the stage.

Speaker. “So tell me Fred how did the Holy Spirit come to you”,

Hapless individual. “Well I was putting my washing out and all of a sudden I felt a strange but amazing feeling and I felt very happy, clean and new”.

Speaker. “Wow, that must have been an amazing day, will you always remember that day?”

Hapless individual. “Well, I can’t forget it because it was my birthday and my wife had bought me a new car and she had let me ravish her body all morning. I don’t know what it was about that day but I just felt really good and very happy, I am sure it was the Holy Ghost”. 

MY EPIPHANY AT THE ALPHA COURSE

It just hit me there and then like a blinding light from Damascus. This is a business. A business unlike any other. THIS IS A BUSINESS WITHOUT A PRODUCT.

CHRISTIAN BUSINESS MODEL = A man stands on a platform and reads out a fairytale. A group of people in a large room speak to thin air. The people put some money on a plate needlessly. The people go home. 

There isn’t a product. Payement for what? Where’s the product?

The church is a company that can’t pay out, isn’t paying out and will never pay out because it doesn’t have a product to profit from or for it to pay out on. The customer puts way too much trust and finance into this company. It’s not the customer  writing the ” iou’s”, It’s the company. This company exists by iou’s and nothing else. 

HOLD ON: What about the promise?

Well, Jesus has been in the post for the last two thousand years. He’s not coming back because he never arrived in the first place, so he can’t come back even if Me, Tom, Dick, Harry, Martha and Mable wanted him to because he doesn’t have a tangible existence to exist by.

WHAT ABOUT FAITH?

You just can’t give what you don’t have. You can’t promise what you don’t and cannot possess. Faith without works [ Works being tangible] is what? answer = Dead.

You can’t promise or profit from that which you have not seen, touched, smelt or tasted and hence is not in actual existence. Anything believed in or promised outside of this is fantasy or delusion.

Dead = Not in existence or existing in a form without life and of NO USE TO ANYTHING OR ANYBODY!

Even those with faith look to tangibles like crucifixes and miracles or the financing of historical excavations. Many still seek the Ark [Even God was sort of tangible in the Ark] and other holy relics.

The churches swallow “Mammon” in large doses. The customer awaits in silent expectation. The product is never delivered. It can’t be delivered because there isn’t one.

HELLO TO MYSELF!

Leaving the Alpha course I felt tears on my face. Theses were not tears of pain but tears of joy.

I wasn’t happy about losing my faith, that was hard, but I was very happy because I had met myself for the first time in my life and I really liked the guy I had met. Yes, I can be a bit of a hothead and a bit hard headed at times, but, I realised that I am a pretty good guy and that I will not concede where truth is concerned.

AS TIME GOES BY

As time went on from the Alpha course I went from Agnostic to Buddhist to Spiritual and finally after reading much about Science [that actually has evidence] I became A.T.H.E.I.S.T.

I don’t like the word atheist because really we are all atheists. I don’t think that the 7th day Adventists worship the same god as the Catholics. Or the Catholics the same god as the Hare Krishna’s. People are only pretending. Some pretend harder than others. Thats all it was and all it ever was.

INTERNET

I have confidence that the internet [sort of tangible?] will do the rest of the work for humanity. Information is available and free of charge and easy to access for anybody anywhere. You can’t sell people what you don’t have and what doesn’t exist forever. People can now research this business without a product online and make their own conclusions. As for me… well, I’m outta here!

Bob Keye 2015

The 8th Day Ventriloquists

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Hello dear Atheists and Agnostics. I am not here to proselytise but to introduce you to the new christian denomination called the “8th day Ventriloquists”

What is an 8th day Ventriloquist.

An 8th day ventriloquist believes that somehow jesus is gods son who isn’t god but who is him by not being him. We acknowledge this by inserting our arm into the rectum of a dummy and sliding it onto our left hand. We then talk to our personal dummy jesus who is our best friend and advisor by controlling the mouthpiece. For example, “Hello jesus, what day is it?” and The dummy jesus replies “Well, it is tuesday” and the 8th day believer replies to the dummy jesus “Wow, how could you know that, you are so wise dummy jesus”, and the dummy jesus replies “Because it is you doing the talking and not me because I am a dummy on your arm”.

The Ambitious 8th day Ventriloquist

For this you will need to purchase the dummy god [$5 at amazon now, get cheap deals, early bird! ]. The 8th day member will again need to insert his arm up the rectum of the dummy but this time on the right arm. The 8th day ventriloquist will now become the trinity because he now has the dummy jesus on the left and the dummy god on the right with himself in the centre as the holey ghost. [ He will also need to apply white face make up and a white sheet for realistic effect].

Controlling the dummy god the dummy jesus and embodying the holely spirit.

For this one needs to be very experienced because it can all get out of hand very quickly. The main problem being that the holey spirit will find holes all over the place especially in the bible. To counter this he must speak to the dummy god in holey tones whilst at the same time controlling his pesky dummy son jesus. For example. “Hello is god there?”, “Yes it is me speaking through your hand up my rectum”. The 8th day believer replies, “It was so good of you to let your son die for everyone”, But, all of a sudden the dummy jesus replies, “No it wan’t dad it was bloody painful!” The dummy god interjects “Oh no son it was for your own good and that of everyone else”,The dummy jesus suddenly goes mental,”Oi dad you get up there on that cross and have a spear stuck in your side!” Now as you can see it is all getting very heated and out of control. At this point the 8th day ventriloquist must take charge as it is turning into a three dimensional madhouse. The 8th day ventriloquist then senses trouble and takes the appropriate action “Okay dummy god and dummy jesus you must both go back into the draw now and you can come out again tomorrow”.

We are a peaceful religion and as such we have been commanded by the dummy jesus and the dummy god to re-new the lords prayer to bring world peace. It is as follows and you may wish to recite it with  your family before dinner or at a social gathering or at your local church. It goes as follows,

Yesterday, upon the stair,
I met a man who wasn’t there.
He wasn’t there again today,
I wish, I wish he’d go away…

When I came home last night at three,
The man was waiting there for me
But when I looked around the hall,
I couldn’t see him there at all!
Go away, go away, don’t you come back any more!
Go away, go away, and please don’t slam the door…

Last night I saw upon the stair,
A little man who wasn’t there,
He wasn’t there again today
Oh, how I wish he’d go away…

So forget the 7th day adventists, the 6th day mormons and the 5 a day catholics and join the the 8th day ventriloquists, you know it makes sense!

Membership is free although we are accepting donations and tithes of 1 million dollars onwards!

The Christian Coward!

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Well here he comes. The man that lives off of his wife and the odd measly dollar slipped into his pocket by his mother and some frightened well wisher from his disappearing church.  This parasite lives in a bubble and is frightened by reality.

Well, he is none of my business. I can only feel pity for this sad and lost remains of a man. But, here is the thing he won’t let it go.

He is in the playground, pushing and shoving old ladies and young children and anyone else that looks vulnerable and incapable. He prods and pokes because he knows that the helpless and hopeless won’t or can’t fight back. He uses fear and degradation and puffs himself up as being something special because he truly believes that they can’t see behind his pathetic unmanly existence.

This is now my business, because he has approached me. He assumes that because I am a polite and non aggressive looking individual that I will comply to his presence and his will. This I certainly will not!

He immediately tries to tear into me. His eyes are full of spite. His teeth are stained and gritted. The veins in his neck protruding. Mommy always let this little boy get his own way methinks. Bashing the bible in his hand in groups of four like a fighter ready to fight. He is banging the world to rights. He believes that he is a macho missionary and a minister to a church of his own name and making.

I smile and point out that I am not interested. He goes for my jugular vein. Fire and brimstone is the order of the day. I laugh at his demeanour, but with a pleasant tone of voice I patiently go about unraveling  his flawed and childish philosophy. But, at the same time I can’t help but ridicule his ignorance and self loathing. I ask why he doesn’t have a job. I ask why he lives off of his wife.  I ask where his mommy is in case he needs a dollar to buy food. The playground spectators watch and listen opened mouthed. They forgot how easy it is to make a mockery of an idiot. They forgot how easy it is to stand up for oneself.

I point and prod now. I twist and turn his stock phrases and shabby rhetoric. His wife looks down at the buggy in confusion and escalating shame. The child cries. The bully gets more and more ruffled, humiliated and wound up. Given a gun he would love to shoot me. [With love of course].

He now has a serious problem though. He can’t compete. He can’t answer even the simplest of questions, because I keep firing back with counter questions. He is contradicting himself at every juncture.  He is sounding very silly and lost. He needs to get out of it. He needs to cut and run. He is deflated and flagging. He is out of breath. He wants to hide in the hole he has just dug for himself.

He tries to finish with a weak and cowardly ploy.” I will pray for you”. He even says it in a nice tone of voice because he knows that he is a beaten man, and he now fears because his credibility has turned to rubble.

I reply.”You can’t pray for me because that means that you are talking to yourself and pretending to talk to someone else who isn’t there. When you pretend to pray you are really covering up and hiding in humiliation and coming to terms with your hatred towards yourself and your animosity towards me because I have beaten you. Talking to yourself and pretending that your imagined friend has spoken back to you makes you by definition Schizophrenic. So tell me are you schizophrenic and clinically insane”? He replies in an uncertain manner  “I am not insane” I reply “If you honestly believe that you are speaking to an invisible person and that this person is hearing you and communicating back to you and telling you things, then you are definitely Schizophrenic. And remember that this person that you have invented is one of colossal egotistical grandeur who in your  mind would have created the universes and the multi-verses. You are pretending like an insecure child pretends when he or she is reading their christmas list to father christmas in anticipation. You are displaying classic signs of infantile delusions and a need to escape reality and live in a world of make believe. You are supposed to be a grown man. You have a wife and a child. You are supposed to display the countenance and responsibility of a father,

He replies “Only god knows me, I know god speaks to me, I feel him”. I reply, “No that’s not what is happening. you are frightened of life and the stark reality of existence. You are scared of your own shadow. You are scared to live in the world as a man. You are frightened of tomorrow, next week, next year. You are even scared of this instance today. You want to leave and hide from me because I am making you look very stupid and you in turn are becoming more and more agitated and uncomfortable. Even your wife is looking away. These people witnessing this today will mock and laugh at you and they will never respect you ever again. The power of the bully is in the the act of a coward and what you have been mistaking for power is weakness”.

He mumbles “I only here as a servant sent by god to save people from the temptation of satan and his ways” I intervene. “You sir are speaking gibberish and making ludicrous claims without any evidence”. He interjects sharply, ” I have evidence, it is all here in this book!” I reply immediately ” That is not evidence of any kind. I could bring out the Holy Koran, and would that be evidence for you?” He looks dumbfounded, “Well no, because that is not the book I believe in” I reply “Exactly!  What you mistake for evidence is ignorance, and this ignorance and lack of any evidence that you call faith is personal fear leading to personal self loathing leading to a need to escape from life. These people know that you are trying to barter with nonsense and they will never give you the time of day ever again. And it is no good saying that down the line that you will be rewarded by a god. The simple fact is that you have to live and exist in this neighbourhood with these people. You can always move away from here if you have the money. But I don’t think that you have the money. And you have a good thirty to fifty years of your life left yet. Do you think that your wife wants to live a shunned and ridiculed existence for the rest of her life? Without respect life becomes unbearable”.

 

Lost for words he turns to the buggy for a glance at his child. He secretly acknowledges where this situation is going. He turns away and barks in defiant ignorance. “Hey, Murial shut the kid up, I think were are done here today.” But as he walks away he is limping like a lost dog. The wife follows passively holding back the fury of degradation because she knows that she will be back at the store tomorrow earning a dollar to keep this hopeless man going for another week. What a mess. The coward only liked to push and shove. The christian coward. The christian bully. The christian parasite never acknowledged the golden rule, “What goes around comes around”. The christian coward might slap an old defenceless lady today and call himself a christian hero but you can be garuanteed that the old ladies son will come around and slap the christian coward back twice as hard the next day!

What I learned:

Don’t get angry or violent. Be patient and stand your ground, be it for one second or five hours. These men are cowards and bullies and don’t like to be hit back. They get humiliated easily. When they are hit back by the blistering intellect and counter questioning of truth they will crumble and leave you alone.

 

Bob Keye

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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ALL CHRISTIANS ARE GOING TO HELL!

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HELL FOR CHRISTIANS? HELL FOR ALL?

Every religion is going to hell according to every other religion and denomination. When your church says that you and only your denomination are going to be saved, be aware that the church around the corner from yours will say that your church has it all wrong! Your church is probably [Definitely] damned to hell and only their church and their chosen denomination has it right and is going to be saved. It is both amazing and laughable viewing the bizarre world of  christianity at war with itself.

In reality 

In a recent argument with a lady who was my best friend a few years ago I found myself in a similar situation where even as a non believer in any religion I found myself employing this. She asked me why I just couldn’t try to believe anymore. She stood on her pedestal and was quite arrogant in her manner and she was snidely trying to hell wish me. She then tried the old “Pascal’s Wager” trick. I in turn replied, “Well, what if you are wrong and what if Allah is the one true God and what if you are worshipping the wrong prophet? Remember making Jesus equal to God is serious blasphemy and you will be sent to hell until Allah decides to have mercy on you. So what if you are wrong about Jesus when you should really be worshiping Mohammed”?

As you can imagine she was very shocked and upset. This was not because of what I had said so much, but because she was of the opinion that only she could hell wish and that I would be helpless to answer back and defend myself. But, I had answered back and she was suddenly left empty and speechless. Someone had the audacity to answer her back and put her in the same predicament that she had wished upon someone else [and their family]. And this is how easy and nasty and silly it all gets and it happens very quickly. This is because it is a mirror. It is a mirror reflecting ignorance. Your church versus my church, your religion versus my religion. If you are the perpetrator then I have to mirror your seeming ignorance back with mine. The mirror is set in motion and the war begins. Hell is wished and traded back and forth from both sides.

The non believer might ask why I didn’t just quote Dawkins or Peter Bohossian etc.  I felt humiliated and sickened that my old friend would hell wish me and my grandchildren. It just seemed so nastyOnly by passing the hell wishing back to her could I depart from her countenance in peace. I hope that in the future I will have the dignity and the anger management necessary to reply to hell wishers with intellect, honesty, credibility and a very cool head indeed. But even as a non believer I shamefully employed this repulsive tool.

Mine’s better than yours!

Do the 7th day adventists really believe that the RC Church are a better church than they? Does a protestant believe that a Buddhist will be saved? Does a Muslim believe that an anti Islamist christian will be saved? Does a Muslim  believe that a christian evangelist will be saved by placing trust in Jesus. Do the JW’s think that the Mormons are a better church than they? Are the Quakers crackers?

This ignorance is a very good tool for the churches, cults, denominations and different religions [they are all cults really] because it means that you and I will become defensive and fearful and we will more than likely pay into these institutions financially and with blind obediance. They all have a “Do as we say or else” policy. Hell is a very good concept if it instills fear in an individual. But, in the modern world this is starting to wane with the advent of google and access to credible information [especially in Europe]. To any educated mind this is neither frightening nor logical.

The whole truth and nothing but the truth!

The truth is we are all going to hell. All of us according to the stupidity and ignorance on display by the many denominations, cultural differences and different religions themselves. We are all doomed, damned and scammed by this elusive phantom called hell. But in reality nobody gets saved because there is nothing to get saved from and nowhere to go to to get saved [or to be not saved]. There is nothing to fear, nothing to worry about and nothing to get paranoid about. It is time to put this naughty phantom to sleep methinks!

Anne R Keye 2014

Translating jesus [My De-Conversion]

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One day for some unknown reason I just started to TRANSLATE what was being said. The church leader needed to make up the numbers and was in full force selling jesus. As I listened it just  started to get more and more absurd. This is my “Translation” of a conversation made to a new ambitious young recruit that changed my life forever.

CHURCHMAN: Hi, I would like to tell you about jesus,

YOUNG RECRUIT: Uh, okay,

CM: Well, jesus is amazing, he is 2000 years old. jesus did all sorts of unbelievable feats and he’s going to return very soon on a white horse!

YR; Wow, thats incredible, he sounds like an amazing man.

CM; No, he’s not a man, he’s god. He is the one true god but he is also his son and so they created the trinity to make it all clear. We have god the father, the holy ghost and his son jesus who is himself but not himself but who is his dad but not at the level of god his dad who is the one true god who is not polytheistic but singular and all encompassing in all aspects who is the Jewish polytheistic god of war.

YR; Wow, yes, that really makes sense,

CM; Certainly it does, and in order to save mankind he created his mother Mary and then impregnated her without sex and gave birth to himself!

YR; Mind blowing stuff!

CM; And guess what,

YR; What?

CM; It wan’t incest. No siree, It was simply miraculous, thats all, a miracle of jesus and his dad god who isn’t the holy spirit but employed the seed of the holy spirit for his son who planned it but who wasn’t born at the time.

YR;  That”s truly miraculous!

CM; Yes, you’ve got to hand it to jesus brother!

YR; Amen, there! So jesus really cares for us?

CM; Oh, yes, jesus is so loving and he really wanted to help the people and to show that love so he made a big fire that’s eternal. And in order to love his neighbour as himself and turn the other cheek he’s going to throw all those that won’t listen to him in it to burn forever!

YR; Wow, he must be a really loving guy,

CM; Remember, he’s the alpha and omega, he is all that is, that was, that could be, but not all that won’t be, or isn’t or might be or might not be. He is the word, the logos, the omega the beginning, the end and some parts in the middle too.

YR; Yeah, jesus sounds really cool,

CM; jesus is super cool, but, jesus doesn’t approve of sex though. He was a virgin all his life.

YR; But wasn’t he lonely?

CM; Never! He had an underage boyfriend his beloved disciple called john. But guess what,

YR: What?

CM; He wasn’t gay or a phaedophile!

YR; Wow. This jesus must be extraordinary.

CM: Yeah, nothing is impossible to jesus.

YR; Tell me more

CM:  jesus died to save the mankind and overcome the world that he didn’t need to overcome as he is not in the world and was non existent at the time of his dad’s creation, although he created it himself.

YR; Awesome! This is all so mysterious.

CM; Praise the lord yes. Even god is sometimes mystified by his moves from his mysterious ways.

YR; Tell me more about jesus.

CM; Well, his trusted friend judas sold him out. But, judas paid the price in the end by hanging himself as he didn’t because he fell over a cliff.

YR; How do you know this?

CM; God left us a book called the bible, It is the inerrant word and every word is  the perfect word of  god. Not a single word can be changed. We use the King James version as it is the best translation from Hebrew into Aramaic into greek into French into English.

YR; Yeah, the evidence is all there I suppose?

CM; Oh, definitely. Anyway, to cut a long story short, jesus then came back from the dead. And had saved the world. And now the only way back to god his dad who is him but not him is through jesus.

YR. Wow, you have overwhelming evidence there I think.

CM; The evidence is all there in the bible providing you don’t read it.

YR; But why did jesus need to save mankind in the first place?

CM; Well, his dad created the world with a perfect plan that cannot be changed by giving man free will. Man then disobeyed god by using his free will that was written in the plan that god created so that man would disobey god and hence god could then destroy man and then redeem him. Actually it was women who made man fall by listening to a talking snake. So the blame is really on women.

YR; I see, yes that makes perfect sense, But I like women and I love my mum,

CM; Yeah, it’s just that in this religion we have nothing against women, but, it is just that we see them as secondary or even less and many of us are insecure misogynistic, bigoted, ignorant, male chauvinist pigs. But, remember that jesus loved women so much that he let them bend down on their knees and wash his feet.

YR; Praise to jesus, he is just so awesome! What happened next?

CM; god wiped out the human race in a flood that he copied and pasted from Gilgamesh. But that wasn’t enough so he later got King Herod to kill all the new born babies who couldn’t understand or fight back to have their throats cut and be murdered so that his son jesus could be born. Of course this was an act of love and not cowardice.

YR; Wow, this god truly is love,

CM; Yes, god is only love and jesus is so loving and that’s why jesus preached peace and came to bring sword and divide father from son and mother from daughter.

YR; And what happens to mankind when jesus comes out of the clouds on his white horse?

CM; Well,  jesus will take all those that love him back to his dad’s place called heaven, and then let everyone else on the planet die in a horrible, brutal, bloody, terrifying cesspit!

YR; Nobody is a loving as jesus!

DECONVERSION:

Well there it is. I just couldn’t help but TRANSLATE what was actually being said!. I thought to myself, why I am I thinking and hearing it all like this, this hasn’t happened before. In desperation I consulted the bible, but it got worse and worse and it all kept falling apart layer after layer. god was silent or out to lunch and jesus had just become a new testament contradictory joke!

Difficult as it was there was simply no going back.. But what bothered me the most was this. Do the people who sell this stuff and who have read and studied the bible, the birth narratives, the crucifixion accounts really believe this stuff? I mean, they have spent years analysing and justifying the contractions and nonsensical non-sense that is the bible. The trinity, the jesus accounts, the contradictions, the history. I mean jesus isn’t even mentioned in history,[ only twice by Josephesus]. Surely there would be volumes written about him!

Anyway, that’s my deconversion. Simple, just TRANSLATE what is actually being said and then read the bible et al and it will all dissolve. It is all a very childish, immature infantile and silly affair, that is a mockery unto itself.

 

Anne R Keye 2014